Life Without Internet

I cancelled Comcast for the summer to save money, which has resulted in a TV and internet free environment for my family. Our entertainment has now been reduced to watching library DVDs on the computer. Because the computer is in the master bedroom, the scene is four kids trying to get away with eating pizza on the king sized futon and putting their feet on my pillows on a very regular basis. The upside of this situation is:


- The children will gladly make the bed and vacuum if it means they can watch a movie.

- Library DVDs usually have some educational or philosophical or cultural content.

- Nobody can watch anything while I am asleep or working on the computer.

Now that the summer of 2012 is nearing its close, I am evaluating the effects on my life of having no TV or internet in my home. On the negative side, it is harder for me to get updated on Islamic events. Today I rushed from the grocery store to the library to check my email 15 minutes before closing, but was too late. They had already shut down the computers. So I don’t know what time the Eid prayers will be held on Sunday. Luckily, I have someone’s phone number from the Islamic Center so no problem inshaAllah.

On the whole, the benefits outweigh the negatives, such as:

- Increased use of prioritizing internet time. The library only allows a person one hour on the computer, so Facebook time has been cut dramatically. Instead of checking all my friends’ updates, I go straight to my Inbox and reply only to personal mail, taking a half hour tops. That leaves me 30 minutes to pay an online bill, look up some item of interest, or update my blog. What a dramatic change from my old lifestyle of impatiently checking my updates all day long!

- Increased use of free print media. For wont of things to read to provoke my intellectual curiosity, I now more frequently pick up free neighborhood newspapers. As a result, I have been better informed about local events, very importantly including free public barbeque parties. A local bank’s five year anniversary party offered free burgers, hot dogs, chips, juice, cake, helium balloons, and a fistful of free pens. A local parish offered unlimited pony rides, a bouncy house, and food throughout another Saturday afternoon this summer. These events have turned out to be great ways to meet neighbors.

- Increased socializing. The upslope has not been dramatic, but steady. As my boredom increases with lack of contact with the outside world, the more the importance actual people take up of my time and energy; in particular people whose phone numbers I have. So whether it’s someone I knew from high school or someone I would like to know, the absence of internet in my home increases the likelihood of my calling them to say hello.

- Increased use of radio in the home. Needless to say, my tweenagers call the shots when it comes to what music we will listen to as we chop vegetables or tidy up the living room. This has given me increased insight as to what is meaningful to them. My son pointed out one popular song, telling me it was the story of my life, and I was touched that he had thought about the events of my life on such a level. On other occasions, the presence of radio in our home instead of the TV has resulted in family dance parties and recitals.

- Increased exercise. In the days when I had internet in my private office with a locked door that I could use to shut out all commotion, I spent the majority of my day with one hand on the mouse. This resulted in serious chronic muscle spasms in my neck as well as tendonitis in my arm. Now that we have no choice but to listen to CDs or cassettes, my children have become exposed to Pakistani Sufi music, Bob Dylan’s poetry, and the Beatles. It is so important for the human body to reach upwards with the arms. If we do not ever dance, we lose all the muscle tone in our shoulders, lungs, and stomach. Dance is the most intimate of physical activities beyond the marital act, so it is important to provide a private environment, but it is essential to the human condition to be able to express the human joy of living life to its full physical and emotional capacity.

- Going outside more. When there is nothing to do at home, the next thing to do is to leave. I am very proud of my 13 year old son, who has started walking home from the Boys and Girls Club to save me the trouble of picking him up, a walk which can take 40 minutes. When I was his age, I had to walk almost that far to school but nowadays we have to question whether or not walking home alone is safe. In my experience, a kid on a bike is more likely to get hassled, especially if someone wants to steal the bike. My advice is always to learn to ride a skateboard – it is faster than walking yet you can carry it onto a train or into a store so it is much more convenient than riding a bicycle.

School will soon begin again, and with school comes the stresses of homework, busses, and tests. I am glad we still live in a country where kids get the summer off, because even if they are not actually needed to tend to any crops, I still need them here to do chores around the home and help take care of their younger siblings. I want them to succeed academically but I am also very grateful to God that I had them here at home this summer so we could be a family.

Protect Yourself from Cyber Stalkers

Stalking preceded the 1980 murder of John Lennon, and John Hinckley Jr.’s assassination attempt on President Reagan in 1981. Such high-profile cases raised the public’s awareness of this crime. While stalking can be committed by both genders against both genders, the majority of stalking victims are ordinary women, who are being pursued, monitored or threatened by someone with whom they have had a prior relationship. Often, the stalking begins when the victim attempts to break off an intimate relationship. The Bureau of Justice Statistics reported that approximately 3.4 million U.S. adults were victims of stalking in 2006. Individuals who are divorced or separated are at the greatest risk for stalking. Many victims of stalking suffer financial difficulties due to missed work, having to move, or court costs.

In recent times, online stalking has become a frequent occurrence. Thus, many cyber stalking cases include elements of both computer crime and domestic violence.

Many stalkers are motivated by a desire to intimidate and exert control over their victims and engage in more than one types of behavior to accomplish this end. A cyber stalker might post offensive statements on public websites encouraging others to harass the victim, divulge sensitive information about the victim with the intention of humiliating or endangering her, or falsely claim to be married or intimate with the victim. A cyber stalker may also send manipulative, threatening, lewd or harassing emails from an assortment of email accounts. Cyber stalking is often committed in a psychological state of obsessive rage or lust, and can cause serious emotional distress to the victim who will usually feel deeply violated. Stalking can lead to an assault or even murder. 

Stalkers may also commit identity theft against victims – including taking money from bank accounts, charging purchases to a victim’s credit card, and hijacking email accounts. This can be very easy to do to a spouse, when passwords and account numbers have been shared in the past, but computer hacking or sabotage by an estranged spouse is also becoming a frequent occurrence, motivated by revenge, a desire to discover evidence of an affair, or to prevent a domestic abuse victim from getting help or support from the community. Electronic Privacy expert Frederick Lane says that about 45 percent of divorce cases involve some snooping — and gathering — of email, Facebook and other online material. For this reason it is important to change or secure all personal accounts before announcing a divorce or separation or even earlier, when domestic abuse or neglect becomes apparent.

Once a stalker has accessed your email account, he will have access to all your personal emails, past and future. He will also have access to any other accounts that are linked to that account such as Facebook, dating sites, yahoogroups and PayPal. He can send out emails or post on websites impersonating you, subscribe or unsubscribe you from mailing lists, or erase your contacts. One stalker even set up a firewall preventing his estranged wife from accessing the internet service she had paid for! A stalker may not change your password right away, in order to continue to monitor your personal life without your knowledge. But once he has changed your password, it will be nearly impossible for you to gain access to your own account unless you use a paid email service.

However, there are things you can do ahead of time to protect your privacy. Never ask anyone else to check your email for you. Install spyware software. Don’t use cyber cafes. Keep your passwords secret and change them often. Check your recovery information diligently, since this could be used to regain access to your password after you have changed it. Change the answers to your secret questions. Leo Notenboom suggests in an online advice column that the answers that you choose don’t have to match the questions (you might say your mother’s maiden name is “Microsoft”, for example). All that matters is that the answers that you give match the answers that you set here if you ever need to recover your account.

In 2011, a Michigan woman, Clara Walker brought felony charges against her ex-husband, Leon Walker for hacking into her private emails during their marriage, but in most cases cyber stalking is not treated as a criminal offense unless it includes threats of violence or sexual coercion, or is in violation of a previously existing restraining order.

Because of the difficulty of protecting citizens from stalking, police detectives strongly encourage spouses to seek a restraining order at the first sign of alarming behavior rather than waiting to see if things will calm down. However, divorce lawyers often advise otherwise, since resentment over restraining orders can get in the way of profitable negotiations and parental visits. It is often hard to predict how low someone would go to harass you and how long it will continue. 11% of victims are stalked for 5 years or more, according to US Bureau of Justice Statistics. However, the longer a victim waits after the first credible threat the harder it is to demonstrate immediate danger in order get a restraining order.

If harassment continues after you have asked the person to stop, contact the harasser’s Internet Service Provider (ISP). Most ISP’s have clear policies prohibiting the use of their services to abuse another person. Often, an ISP can try to stop the conduct by closing their account. If you receive abusive e-mails, identify the domain (after the “@” sign) and contact that ISP. Most ISP’s have an e-mail address such as abuse@(domain name) or postmaster@(domain name) that can be used for complaints.